Kill With Kindness: How to Handle Anger Like a Leader

There are four words that have transformed the way I navigate conflict, stress, and frustration: Kill. Them. With. Kindness.

5/23/20252 min read

There are four words that have transformed the way I navigate conflict, stress, and frustration:

Kill. Them. With. Kindness.

It’s a phrase you’ve likely heard before, but have you ever actually lived by it?

Let me take you back. I grew up dealing with a lot of anger. It was my default setting. Quick to react, quick to judge, quick to explode. And honestly, it held me back in life. In relationships. In business. In leadership.

But over the years, I learned a better way. I learned that composure is a superpower. That empathy beats ego. And that when you lead with kindness, especially in the face of conflict, you win.

The Fast Track to Anger

If you’re someone who struggles with anger, here are three reasons you might be hitting boiling point too often:

You speak first and think later
That sharp email reply. The cutting remark. The angry outburst. All of them feel good in the moment but come with a price. Responding before reflecting rarely helps the situation.
You blame others for your emotional state
"He triggered me." "She made me angry." The truth is, no one can make you angry without your permission. Taking ownership of your emotions is step one to managing them.
You see red and go into battle mode
You treat every disagreement as a war to be won. But not every moment requires you to go in swinging. Sometimes, the real strength is in staying still.

Try This Instead

Next time you feel anger bubbling up, try doing the opposite of what your instincts tell you:

Be curious. Ask yourself: Why is this person acting this way? What might they be dealing with?
Lead with empathy. Maybe they’re under pressure. Maybe they’re hurting. Maybe they’re just having a terrible day.
Give them the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone wakes up trying to upset you. Assume good intent until proven otherwise.

Real Leaders Stay Cool

In leadership, the ability to stay composed under pressure is one of the most powerful traits you can develop. When your team sees you handle conflict with calm, kindness, and class, it sets the tone for the entire organisation.

One great example of this is Barack Obama. No matter how intense the criticism or how heated the debates, Obama rarely lost his cool. He once said, "You can disagree without being disagreeable." That mindset earned him the respect of allies and critics alike.

Or look at Fred Rogers, famously known as Mr. Rogers. In a world full of noise and outrage, his quiet kindness became a force for cultural change. He listened, he empathised, and he treated everyone, even those who opposed him, with respect. That’s not weakness. That’s leadership.

The Long-Term Win

Here’s the secret: when you kill with kindness, you take control. You remove the fuel from the fire. You become unshakeable.

Sure, kindness might not feel like the strongest move in the heat of the moment. But long-term? It builds trust. It builds influence. And most of all, it builds character.

The Takeaway

I used to let anger define me. Now, I live by four simple words: